KINDNESS AS THE ANSWER

For the past several days, most of us can’t help but mourn the loss of the 20 beautiful angels from Connecticut whose lives have tragically ended. We don’t have to have any children of our own to feel this enduring pain. Every young person has the right to live, to grow up, and to pursue his or her own dreams. To be robbed of such opportunities is unspeakable.

Something must be done to stop all of this ignorance, madness and hate that have been burning our faith and harming our innocent future generations. I’d been thinking a lot about the purpose of life for the past several months, wondering what I could do as an individual when there continues to be a moral decline in our society.

After this mass shooting, which had coincidentally occurred on my birthday, I’d been crying often, feeling so helpless and vulnerable. If we were to take a hard look at the challenges our world and economy are currently facing, we would be able to recognize that desires, anger, and ignorance are the sources of our problems. Murders happen and wars are waged not because of guns and nuclear weapons but because of our own destructive minds.

I’d never been a fan of any super stars. I grew up only admiring my parents, and my two spiritual teachers, who have taught me the importance of compassion, strength, and how to appreciate every little thing in life. I also praise teachers, medical doctors, nurses, vegetarian, social activists, and many other heroes living among us who dedicate their lives to educate, protect, and heal others. In the end, life is not about how much money we make, how well we are known, how many sexual conquests we’ve had, or even how beautiful and intelligent we are. True happiness and satisfaction comes from making the world a better place because we’re in it.

As we are about to reach 2013, we are still faced with threats of natural disasters, global warming, enormous wastes, and more massive shootings like Colorado’s and Connecticut’s. This year, I only made one birthday wish, perhaps a quite greedy wish, and that wish is for all of us to come together, to be more understanding and forgiving, to live frugally and compassionately, and to take good care of our Mother Earth.

If we don’t want to face extinction, we need to be able to give and receive more good energy, which undoubtedly comes from having good ethics. For the past half a year, I’d been trying to do the best I could to relieve my own suffering, as well as to avoid inflicting suffering on other living species by becoming a vegetarian, by consuming less, abstaining from glitz and glam, living mindfully, volunteering, and devoting myself to good causes. Even though leading a more selfless life has truly made me a happier person, still, this massacre of so many innocent lives had managed to rip out a big hole in my heart. It’s hard not to feel devastated and powerless by such catastrophe even if you were President Obama.

But as I heard heroic stories of very brave elementary teachers who risked or even sacrificed their own lives in order to save their beloved students, I started to feel better because I understood that for as long as the light of goodness still exists, the darkness of evil cannot prevail. Needless to say, the only solutions to all of this hate, ignorance, and violence are compassion, awareness, and bravery. World Peace begins at home, within us, and within our loved ones. If we want to have dissolve hate in society, we must first resolve misunderstanding or miscommunication within our own families.

This holiday season let’s spread a lot of love and appreciation to our parents, grandparents, siblings, children, and even to our close friends or neighbors. Please teach them respect, courage, compassion, and frugality because the world is not going to prosper and thrive if we were to continue to live selfishly, cowardly, and or materialistically. Not all of us could fly to Haiti to help starving children but we could always give a few dollars to a homeless person who’s freezing out on the street or send toys and clothes to an orphanage. And please continue to pray for the victims of Sandy Hook and their families.


Kindness is the light that dissolves all walls between souls, families, and nations. –Yogananda.

VERY THIRSTY: A Note on Desperate Women

Lately I’ve noticed a lot of girls on Facebook, and or the internet in general, acting incredibly desperate by shamelessly flirting, marking territory on some guys’ posts and walls, even if the guy is clearly married or in a relationship with someone else! Now, there’s nothing wrong with expressing interest in someone you actually know, and do like, in private. But any girl who is publicly obsessed towards a guy (especially on the world wide web) is just not too classy and wise. Perhaps I am a bit old school but I was taught very early on to act like a lady, by waiting for a guy to come pursue me, instead of acting overly eager on my own. But even if other girls didn’t have parents who could have taught them properly, they could still have learned from basic middle school science that it is absolutely against nature for flowers to be chasing bees. Yet I continue to see intolerable, shameless desperate behaviors from so many women, even the ones that have passed the age of 30 (whom we would expect to have known better.)

A mediocre guy, who has little to offer and has difficulty attracting women, will definitely be flattered when he gets hit on. A quality man, on the other hand, will prefer women who are more sophisticated, cultured, and demure. Even if he does find the girl who brazenly flirts with him cute, he would just enjoy the attention, quickly label her as "weird", and assume that she's also aggressive with every other man. As Oscar Wilde has beautifully stated “The very essence of romance is uncertainty,” for most men, the chase is important to prolong. If a woman continually texts, calls, and or expresses how much she's into him, there will be no room for a guy to work with, to chase her, or to fall for her. The desperate act will automatically lower a woman's attractiveness by 50%, doesn’t matter how good her looks are to begin with.

Two years ago I was hanging out with Eric*, one of my guy friends from Ford models. He told me that he would get approached by a lot of women all the time, wherever he goes, and he didn’t really like it. I was quite surprised at the time and asked why he didn’t enjoy having the work cut out for him. Eric* said that most of these girls not only showed interest but acted pretty “thirsty”, his term for over-desperation. Then he would go on to describe some pretty pathetic things girls would do to capture his attention, which included begging to sleep with him. And unlike some other typical male models, my friend doesn’t fit the Zoolander stereotype. He isn’t vain, or dumb, and would never lie or exaggerate these kinds of things. So after hearing all those horror stories, I felt so embarrassed being a woman.

If anyone has ever read my other blogs, they could probably notice how much of a feminist I am and how I would usually be more critical of men than I am with women. That is because my education and experience have led me to recognize that men are at a far more advantaged position in society, and therefore, women should be sticking with each other, rather than competing. So it is my intention to advise, not criticize, or attack. It’s okay for a woman to not be so refined in dating and relationships, I believe, but she must possess some dignity, strength, and sheer class to get respected.

It is one thing to be friendly, to joke with a guy, or to flirt mildly. But it just isn’t acceptable for a girl to write over and over on a guy’s Facebook, letting him know how handsome he is, how much he is missed, and how she would like to make babies with him soon. I’m not trying to praise my own virtues but everyone that had either spoken to me online, on the phone, or met me in person, would all agree that I’m not a "loose" woman. Even if someone was to spend months checking all of my social media sites, they would never find any proof of promiscuity or desperation. I don’t cross the lines with men, not because I worry about having a slutty reputation, but because I know how men operate and don’t want to provoke any wishful thinking. I am nice, funny, and courteous to my guy friends, but with strangers or people I don’t know very well, I’d prefer to remain professional and distant. And when it comes to someone I am absolutely crazy for, I’d be very sweet, but I will not be jumping up and down, or salivating like a thirsty, deprived pet.

This isn’t about playing games, or cat and mouse chases, but a woman that really wants to be swept off her feet by Prince Charming must first respect herself, and stick to her feminine values. If a guy is really into a girl, he will definitely call or show that he cares. If he doesn’t, he is probably already married, in a relationship, gay, busy planning a transgender operation, hiding from debt collectors, depressed, or he’s just really not interested. And that’s okay because the world has nearly 7 billion people, which means plenty of available and competent men still exist.

People all want what they can't have so when a girl gives up herself too quickly, men will either simply lose interest, or use her as a booty call out of convenience. The only time a guy will remember a girl who has thrown herself at him like a piece of expired meat is over beer pongs and farting competition with their buddies, when they all bring up their easy conquests and make a huge fat joke about it. And so if I was to ever have a daughter some day and could only give her one love advice, I would say “A woman who is truly beautiful, smart, and elegant would be too busy rejecting men she is not interested in. She would also be too busy following her own passion instead of following men. And she would not have time to cry over the ones that had never given her time of their day.”

DUMB MEN (PART I)

Yesterday I posted this as a Facebook status "According to a recent Cosmopolitan research, guys think they only have to be a 5 in order to hook a woman who is a 10... but say a woman has to be at least a 7 in order to snag a male 10. No wonder a lot of random unattractive guys shamelessly come up to me all the time. Want to hear my opinion? FUCK NO."

Today, this guy replied "The problem here is that you are paying attention to a Cosmo study :-) Personally, there are so few 10's in the world, I find it difficult for any study to be accurate. If someone believes they are a 10, they instantly lose 1 point for vanity, and depending on the extent, maybe 2 points for being a narcist. The reason that people of perhaps less physical attractiveness can attract better looking mates, is either because of money and/or personality, or they know how to inflate the ego of the other without sounding desperate."

This is my answer to him (PART 1)

Next time, before replying to any of my posts, please read everything over carefully prior to making incorrect assumptions which can lead to saying stuff that will cause some serious annoyance for me, and extreme embarrassment for yourself.

This Cosmo study made perfect sense because it never made any claims about perfect pairings. It only pointed out how men THINK they only have to be a 5 to get with a 10 BUT assume that a woman has to be at least a 7 to score a man that’s a 10. Of course I had to pay attention to this survey because such disturbing findings indicate how flawed some men's thoughts can be. They hold unreasonable double standards and can’t seem to get rid of their pathetic wishful thinking. It explains why many unattractive, having-nothing-to-offer guys randomly come up to me, my girlfriends, and many other super attractive women so desperately. They actually thought that they had a good chance!

It’s one thing to admire Jessica Alba or Giselle Bundchen and fantasize about these women in secret, but in reality, most extraordinarily beautiful women, at least the ones with class or a brain anyway, would never give unattractive guys any time of the day. Now, if I was to have known a below-average looking man from work or through a friend, and after we have been acquainted for quite some time, if I find that he has other good qualities about himself, such as humor, kindness, and intelligence, etc…, I may end up liking him. But it really takes time to get to know a person’s true character and personality so initially, both men and women only have physical appearance to judge the opposite sex by.

It is beyond annoying when an ugly random stranger shamelessly approaches me at the club, asks for my number while I’m at the grocery store shopping for tampons, or sends me overly flirty messages on the internet. What's even more pathetic about these types of aggressive morons is the fact that they just can't seem to take NO for an answer. Even when I politely stated that I had a very jealous boyfriend, they would not leave me alone, apparently unable to take rejection gracefully. The way I look at it is, they don’t know me, they can’t know how mean I could be, how smart I am, or what I’m really like. They only approach me because of my looks. And to almost any man, a good-looking woman they do not know only means sex. And I also don’t know them; I have no clue how sweet they can be or how family-oriented they are. All I can notice are their bald heads, their out-of-shape bodies, their hairy nostrils, and their barbaric facial structures. To me, an ugly looking guy I do not know is worth nothing more than a pile of smelly shit. I believe I’m speaking for all of the other hot girls out there when I say it’s frustrating to get hit on ALL THE TIME by grossly looking guys we don’t know and don’t care to get to know. It is insulting and it is a waste of time.

Yet most men don't care to look at themselves before putting on their relenting pursuit because they are visual and are primarily driven by the smaller heads. Martie Haselton, an evolutionary psychologist at UCLA has found from her researches that men usually over-perceive women’s sexual interest in them. Call it stupidity, wishful thinking, over-perceiveness or whatever but a man will often mistake a woman’s friendly smile as an invitation for sex. Haselton and her colleagues say men tend to assume that women are more attracted to them than they really are because this self-delusion helps men to become more bold and brazen, thus increases their chance for spreading their seeds aka mating. This explains why so many men bring condoms to first dates, and send out massive emails to really attractive women on Facebook and Myspace, thinking they would somehow get lucky. In some rare cases, they actually do because there are plenty of dumb pretty girls in our society..

Stay tuned for Part 2 & Part 3...

DON'T DATE DOUCHES

The following story breaks my heart. Once again it reiterates the fact that most men out there are loserly scumbags. How could a guy sleep with a woman, get her pregnant, lie about marrying her, and then cowardly escape? Luckily, the baby she gave birth to has filial piety and takes care of her while she's in deep trouble. Yes, the story happened in Vietnam but there are millions of losers in America who run away from child support every single day. Bottom line: A woman, particularly if she's young, beautiful or naive should not trust any man easily. Sex before marriage is such a bad idea, if you ask me, because it spoils men and thus encourages them to become even more irresponsible and heartless.

http://vietpopworld.blogspot.com/2011/10/heartbreaking-story-3-year-old-boy.html

I try not to be too cynical when it comes to men but the more I see, read, and hear, the more disgusted I become. After all, they come off as barbaric animals who only care about sex, money, food, beer, sports, and themselves. In the Vietnamese culture, we have this saying "A man should be afraid of entering the wrong profession. A woman's biggest mistake comes from choosing the wrong husband."

There are a lot of terrible douchebags in this society, and if a woman makes the mere mistake of simply dating one (not just marrying) she could suffer from lies, betrayals, cheating, using, to physical abuse, sometimes even murder. History keeps on showing and science has continually proven that men are not as nurturing as women because they do not have the motherly instincts. Men will always put themselves and their career first. On the other hand, when a woman is in love, or has a serious boyfriend, husband, etc... she would usually put the man above her career, her good friends, her own parents, and before herself. Women make a lot of dumb mistakes by trusting too easily, falling too quickly, and giving too much. 

As if using women for sex isn't bad enough, these days with the current world's financial crisis, a lot of guys (who were very lazy to begin with) are becoming even more deadbeat. They have absolutely no shame and would not mind dating or trying to get with a woman who's more educated and more wealthy than them so that they can benefit. Guys won't admit this but many possess the secret sick desire of having a "sugar mama," a woman (whether older or not) to wave a little magic wand and "baby" them financially, and physically.

Blame it on Women's Liberation because a lot of guys are getting away with not paying for dates. Even though women now hold more graduate degrees than men, we are still getting paid significantly less. But long gone are those days when men were the primary providers or breadwinners, many guys do expect their girl to contribute more or most of the resources. When I say "resources" I am referring to money, and physical effort, as in cooking, cleaning, taking care of the partner, and kissing their ass. Even if a man is a firm believer of the 50%/50% system, still, he would leave the housechores and childrearing to the women. Hah, and the guy who is the primary income provider, guess what he's going to do with all that power and money? Go get some sexy mistresses, of course.

The famous Hongkong star Maggie Cheung has recently separated from her long time lived-in German boyfriend of 4 years (with her gifting him expensive presents throughout the whole relationship and investing in stocks with him because that was his passion.) Now she has lost a lot of money from those investments and is forced to go back to the entertainment industry to make a living although she has lost her beauty and youth. I can name many other stories but I'm really running out of time. It shoudn't take a longer blog for women to realize that they should all choose very, very wisely. Tons of men are users and will try to exploit women for anything they possibly can: be it beauty, wealth, or fame. Even worse, they won't even feel a bit remorseful simply because men are primed to be selfish.The more a woman has to offer, the more cautious she should be, because it's in almost every woman's nature to give, give, and give. She should never be blinded by the glory of romantic love because a guy can be as perfect as a saint for many years and then abruptly show his true colors when greed and lust take over.

Believe me when I say I am not cynical or jaded in any way. But I'm outraged to know that many women get hurt, used, and abused by the men they love. And although I've always been strong and independent, I don't believe any woman should ever have to give more of anything in a relationship for the obvious reason that females are physically smaller. God, and or the universe, has made men a lot bigger and stronger so that they can protect and provide for their women, not the other way around. And so a grown, healthy man that has the desperate desire to be taken care of, should simply go back to his mother.

On the surface, many people often assume that I have it easy when it comes to love simply because I'm hot and wise. But the truth is I don't. I have just as many losers trying to exploit me as any typical girl, if not more. So I might as well mention on this blog that if I don't detect sincerity from a guy's pursuit, I'm just going to ignore his ass. I don't need any guy to come and give me diamonds, get me a huge mansion, or buy me a Ferrari, but at the same time I'm not going to waste my precious time on deadbeats who only like me for my sexy body, my looks, my generosity, my amazing massage skills, my ability to communicate with stuffed animals, or my always burned cooking, etc... I'd much rather be Single than Sorry and I'm better off alone to stay focused on my career rather than getting distracted by some undeserving douches. I'm actually having a blast telling all those losers to get lost. Kaka

THE POWER OF LANGUAGE

A little over a month ago I received a FaceBook request and message from a young girl from Ha Noi, Vietnam. She was not afraid to say she didn’t find my photos on the web too appealing since my outfits were a bit revealing. That is completely understandable because she lives in a developing country that carries many conservative values and any signs of promiscuity would be frowned upon!

I didn’t find her comment offensive because after opening myself up on these social media sites for so many years, I’m already quite used to all types of opinions and scrutiny. I had always preferred honest feedbacks over some fake compliments any day. How else would I know which area still needs to improve?

Although this young girl had criticized, her tone of writing was polite and soft-spoken. Within the same message, she also mentioned that after reading some of my blogs, she had found my words to be delicately soothing. She actually thought that my personality and my looks didn't seem to match for my blogs were so thoughtful, yet "I dress like a naughty girl" (LOL, quoting her exact words) As with anyone who emails constructive feedback, I sent this sweet girl a couple of replies and at this moment, I’m so glad we became friends.

This is not the first time that I have people from the internet telling me I had caught them by surprise. That is because people tend to judge all books by their covers, but obviously, not all pretty girls are dumb. I am mentioning this story not to bring up the topic of misunderstanding, and or stereotyping (perhaps some other time) but because shortly after her, I also had another young girl from another town in Vietnam, writing to me a similar message. What really impressed me about these two girls is the fact that although they both live overboard, their English skills were spectacular. They can write even better than many US citizens that can't seem to know the simple difference between “your” and “you’re”..

It has been widely recognized that education outside of the US is very intense but effective. Students in other countries are all required to not only learn their own language, but also English and occasionally, even Spanish or French. Many people abroad are respectfully educated and conscientious. We would notice this and agree as we travel internationally. Needless to say, I was embarrassed for myself, too, after communicating with these young students from my Motherland who could understand all of my words. Because as an American, I have been too lazy and spoiled by relying so much on English; and as a Vietnamese, I had neglected writing or speaking in my native tongue.

And so ever since that fateful message, I have determined to perfect my Vietnamese and even try to re-polish the French lessons I took in high school. This should explain why within the months of June and July, my Facebook friends have bombarded with so many strange words on my posts. I'm trying to speak and write in Vietnamese and French more often because every time I tap my brain into using them, I feel instantly transported into another world, where I feel much more creative and alive.

But if there’s only one thing I can point out from this blog, I’d like to highly praise multilingualism. Those of you who know more than one language are extremely lucky. Even if someone is monolingual, it is never late to learn. or they could at least try to master the only one language they already know. Because effective speaking and writing are not only admirable; they are essential.

On Professionalism...

Several days ago I received an email from this one person asking me to be a part of their fashion show for a notable clothing line in California. He said that this event would take place next Thursday, and there would be an afterparty also. Needless to say, I would have loved to model for their line and use the opportunity to network with people in the fashion industry, however, I already made plans to go to Vegas on the same day.

Out of curiosity, I sent a polite reply, asking for more information so that I could make a decision whether to stick with Vegas and or go to the fashion show. It was beyond my disbelief when he wrote back, not providing any extra information about this gig but instead, asked me to visit their clothing website and send an email to the fashion designer for more details. Now, anyone who had ever been in contact with me at the business level should know that I expect nothing but 100% professionalism. This isn’t about being spoiled and or having a diva attitude but time is precious and common courtesy is a must have. Whenever someone needs to reach out to me, for anything, be it to invite me to a movie, a date, a business meeting, a wedding, or asking me to buy a product, or check out their music, whatsoever, it is that person’s complete responsibility to provide all of the necessary information such as “who, what, when, where, and why"... They would also need to express their SINCERITY as well!

It was completely inappropriate, unprofessional, and cannibalistic for him to have asked me to be in that show but told me to go look up the information on my own. My bestfriend told me of a similiar situation, a classmate had invited her to a birthday party. She went out and got that girl a nice little gift but when that day came, the birthday girl didn't even bother returning any text messages. It's such a shock to learn how impertinent some people can be as all of this stuff is just common sense. One can't really try to open a sale without explaining the problems, solutions and benefits to their product yet expect the customer to still make a purchase so blindly. Most sales, especially those with a generous commission, never close on their own. I mean, I know Harvard business school is hard to get into, but the Dummies Guide to business etiquette is only 10 bucks.

Interestingly enough, even a lot of top business professionals in today’s world lack common courtesy. They are unorganized, indecisive, come to meetings late, do not respond to emails in a timely manner, and never return phone calls when they say they would. I have friends from other parts of the country and the world, and they are nowhere as inconsiderate and self-centered as Californians. I’m sure if it was someone else, they probably wouldn't have minded jumping through hoops to get more details about this event. But I don’t need this person, this clothing line, or any other unreliable individuals. I’ve always carried the same principles when it comes to work, life, friendships, and relationships: if I don’t feel like I’m not getting treated properly, I’m out. No amount of money, publicity, fun, good looks, or even great chemistry can ever make up for disrespect.

Vegas baby, here I come...

LAST MOMENT...

I met him four months ago and from day One, I knew that this person would carry the power to change my life forever. After just a brief encounter, I came home, 400 miles away from him, developing strange emotions I could neither explain nor control. Knowing that it would be wrong, knowing that it would put me in a disadvantaged situation, and knowing that it could lead to a disastrous outcome, still, I chose to go with my heart… And so a romance blossomed in secret, so secretive that I had no one confide in but my own private journals and these well-admired blogs. That was the only way I could keep myself from going insane...

“Beautiful Days” was written even before I knew whether his feelings were mutual. The inspiration just came to me so naturally. It was definitely the easiest and in my own opinion, the cutest blog I’d ever written. In that writing, I made a promise to myself very early on, that I would have absolutely no expectation and be light-hearted about the whole situation, despite of what might happen. But after months of knowing each other, I started carrying expectations, although very little, they were still expectations. He, too, had needs, which could not be met. It is in human nature to want more, expectations and disappointments are inevitable. It was just time to say goodbye.

Two weeks have gone by, I can’t honestly claim to be completely over everything but I feel content with myself, knowing that ending this romance was a good thing for everybody. Sure, I would have loved for it to last longer for there are still many more experiences I felt we should share and deep conversations that could have been reached. But to think of it, is there really a perfect moment to begin or end a romance? The fact that we’re never ready to fall in or out of love is what makes the whole experience so special.

People who had followed all or most of my blogs since Myspace could have noticed that my last 3 entries (Beautiful Days, Unforgettable Passion, and I’m Forbidden) are very different from all of the stuff I’d written in the past. They are calmer, more uplifting, carry a tiny touch of Buddhist teaching, and were highly inspired by music because I had him in mind. My previous topics and writing styles in contrast, were quite sarcastic, dark-humored, and even grievous at times. That is because, for the first time, I’m going to admit on here, that those writings had reflected the wounds I had suffered from all these years that have not healed until the early of 2011. I don’t want to discuss sad and or unfortunate stuff so let’s not go into details about the bad things or bad people who are all long gone.

I’d much rather focus on the more pleasant things that had occurred in my life recently as I have noticed myself becoming more mature, patient, strategic, cheerful, and ambitious. I even developed a more refined taste and appreciation for music thanks to this person. Sadly, out of all the guys I’ve ever been with, he is the only one who does not know about my blogs and will probably never be able to read any of my thoughts. But I actually prefer for him not to know anything because it's better to leave things just the way they were. This isn’t a blog, this isn’t a journal entry, and this isn’t a letter. This is a way for me to express a love that is not there but neither does my heart contain any hate. There are still things I wish I could say, but most words during the last moment of all romances are usually pointless anyway.  So dear Darien* please just take care.